On the first day of Christmas,
my true love said to me
“You have one chin hair”.

On the second day of Christmas,
my true love said to me
“You have one chin hair”,
Plus I tripped over my nipples twice.

On the third day of Christmas,
my true love said to me
“You have one chin hair”,
Plus I tripped over my nipples twice,
And I discovered three sets of car keys in the fridge.

On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love said to me
“You have one chin hair”,
Plus I tripped over my nipples twice,
I discovered three sets of car keys in the fridge,
And I washed my hair four times because I couldn’t remember if I had just done it.

On the fifth day of Christmas,
my true love said to me
“You have one chin hair”,
Plus I tripped over my nipples twice,
I discovered three sets of car keys in the fridge,
I washed my hair four times because I couldn’t remember if I had just done it,
And I put on five pairs of pants until I found a pair I could zip up.

On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love said to me
“You have one chin hair”,
Plus I tripped over my nipples twice,
I discovered three sets of car keys in the fridge,
I washed my hair four times because I couldn’t remember if I had just done it,
I put on five pairs of pants until I found a pair I could zip up,
And I had six people tell me I am too old for ‘Hottie’ shorts.

On the seventh day of Christmas,
my true love said to me
“You have one chin hair”,
Plus I tripped over my nipples twice,
I discovered three sets of car keys in the fridge,
I washed my hair four times because I couldn’t remember if I had just done it,
I put on five pairs of pants until I found a pair I could zip up,
I had six people tell me I am too old for ‘Hottie’ shorts,
And I counted seven new varicose veins.

On the eighth day of Christmas,
my true love said to me
“You have one chin hair”,
Plus I tripped over my nipples twice,
I discovered three sets of car keys in the fridge,
I washed my hair four times because I couldn’t remember if I had just done it,
I put on five pairs of pants until I found a pair I could zip up,
I had six people tell me I am too old for ‘Hottie’ shorts,
I counted seven new varicose veins,
And I walked into a room eight times and didn’t know why.

On the ninth day of Christmas,
my true love said to me
“You have one chin hair”,
Plus I tripped over my nipples twice,
I discovered three sets of car keys in the fridge,
I washed my hair four times because I couldn’t remember if I had just done it,
I put on five pairs of pants until I found a pair I could zip up,
I had six people tell me I am too old for ‘Hottie’ shorts,
I counted seven new varicose veins,
I walked into a room eight times and didn’t know why,
And I had to pee nine times in one hour.

On the tenth day of Christmas,
my true love said to me
“You have one chin hair”,
Plus I tripped over my nipples twice,
I discovered three sets of car keys in the fridge,
I washed my hair four times because I couldn’t remember if I had just done it,
I put on five pairs of pants until I found a pair I could zip up,
I had six people tell me I am too old for ‘Hottie’ shorts,
I counted seven new varicose veins,
I walked into a room eight times and didn’t know why,
I had to pee nine times in one hour,
And I ate ten pieces of chocolate cheesecake.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my true love said to me
“You have one chin hair”,
Plus I tripped over my nipples twice,
I discovered three sets of car keys in the fridge,
I washed my hair four times because I couldn’t remember if I had just done it,
I put on five pairs of pants until I found a pair I could zip up,
I had six people tell me I am too old for ‘Hottie’ shorts,
I counted seven new varicose veins,
I walked into a room eight times and didn’t know why,
I had to pee nine times in one hour,
I ate ten pieces of chocolate cheesecake,
And I had eleven hormonal rages.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love said to me
“You have one chin hair”,
Plus I tripped over my nipples twice,
I discovered three sets of car keys in the fridge,
I washed my hair four times because I couldn’t remember if I had just done it,
I put on five pairs of pants until I found a pair I could zip up,
I had six people tell me I am too old for ‘Hottie’ shorts,
I counted seven new varicose veins,
I walked into a room eight times and didn’t know why,
I had to pee nine times in one hour,
I ate ten pieces of chocolate cheesecake,
I had eleven hormonal rages,
And I’ll be eligible for parole in twelve years.