Jokin’ Jonny Moocow here again! This week I’ll be reviewing ‘ROYAL INDIVIDUAL COFFEE CAKES’, as baked by Marcy. Also look for my upcoming recipe for ‘COW PIES’. They’re Vegan-friendly!
Marcy has been making recipes from some cookbook. I saw it through the window. It has many nice pictures. My long-term goal is to get my head through the window and eat the cookbook. And since I’m a cow, when I say “LONG-TERM” I’m talking about 15 minutes. Anyway….
I got some of the COFFEE CAKES this morning when JON came running out the back door, zigging and zagging and covering his head, while MARCY pelted him with coffee cakes. That girl has one accurate hoof I tell ya. JON was screaming something about “I meant it in a GOOD way” or something like that. From what I could understand, and being a cow that’s not much, MARCY was upset because JON said her overalls made her donkey look fat. I’m pretty sure it was something like that. No, I don’t know what it means either. Besides, I was too busy getting the COFFEE CAKES after they had bounced off of JON’s head.
The first thing I noticed was that, even though Marcy’s COFFEE CAKES had hit JON in the head, they had no hair on them. Odd, but given JON’s lack of hair, I guess it makes sense. I also noticed that the nuts seemed a little burnt. As in VERY burnt. That makes sense, as a few days ago I noticed a smell of burnt nuts coming from the kitchen window. Reminded me of that time JON sat on the radiator. But I digress. And for a cow, that’s not easy. Especially because I don’t know what that word means. Digress. I wonder if it’s like the crabgress that grows in the pasture.
So I ate the COFFEE CAKES off the ground. They were not great. Being a cow, I ate them anyway. But given the choice between Marcy’s COFFEE CAKES and soggy hay, I’m a-goin’ with the hay. None of my three stomachs enjoyed Marcy’s COFFEE CAKES, not even the one that’s hooked up backwards. They lacked the fine texture and airiness of a croissant, and the glaze had a certain Asian or Thai quality of glossiness and smoothness against the palate. I don’t even know what that last sentence even means – I stole it from an episode of “Master Chef” I heard over the barn’s shortwave radio.
Anyway, I give these ½ a HAPPY COW. And I’m a cow – I eat PURINA COW CHOW (“now with extra cud!”).
Tomorrow Marcy is promising, or threatening, to make cinnamon buns. I’m looking forward to those, as Eunice the Barn Owl ate the fiberglass insulation I used to plug that hole in the window, and I need something she WON’T eat to fill that hole again.